Frightspear

As a chronic overthinker I spend far too much time in my head. From a young age, I’ve always been fixated on what could go wrong rather than what might go right. Living this way isn’t only exhausting, but it’s energy wasted, as many of our fears and worries fail to materialise.

Frankly, I’m sick of getting stuck in recursive, predominantly negative thought loops. Which is fortunate, because I’ve discovered a technique which has been surprisingly helpful in soothing my overactive noggin. Interestingly, I originally picked this up from an old manifestation book, and though I’m normally sceptical of such things, decided it would be interesting to experiment with.

The first step is to stop feeding thoughts with more fuel, which I do by moving attention out of my head and into my body, much like many common meditative techniques.

Secondly, I imagine the corporeal feeling I would have if everything in my life was perfect. Personally, this involves translating scenarios like the dream relationship, career, or health into embodied sensations, almost as if I was already experiencing them. The book I read made out that this activates our subconscious to bring about those very changes.

The main benefit for me, however, is the sensation that I have nothing to worry about, with no fictitious problems to solve. It’s not that I experience an unbridled sense of abundance as manifestors often make out, but that the knot in my head gradually unwinds. A degree of peace and presence slowly settles over my body, almost like I’m tapping into a more competent future version of myself.

I haven’t been practicing this for long enough to tell whether it will have lasting effects beyond simply doing something novel and feeling a short-lived benefit. However, I’m optimistic that embracing positive emotions over negative thoughts can become a reflex action. And if I magically manifest all of my desires in the process, then all the better.

I broke up with my long term girlfriend two months ago and since then it’s been a difficult period of adjustment.

Perhaps the most poignant moment arrived immediately after helping her move out, having returned home to a flat laid bare, stripped of all the personality her possessions provided.

The ghost of her presence lingers, a whisper of the many years we enjoyed together.

On the deep, dark winter nights, a fragile echo of our shared memories remains.

And though the decision to part ways was largely mutual, regret stabs unexpectedly with feelings of what could have been.

Loneliness during these long evenings is pervasive, only assuaged by my loving cat, who’s been an essential lifeline and loyal companion during these troubling times.

However, when reality shifts we must shift with it, even though the new terrain feels uncertain.

Time, I hope, will prove to be the great equaliser and eventually, healer.

I work in marketing and one of our salespeople recently left the company. I’ve subsequently assumed some of his responsibilities, calling and qualifying incoming leads.

Picking up the phone to contact prospects has been educational, in that the higher my call output, the more people want to buy our product. Perhaps this is unsurprising.

However, in the same way, life can and should be regarded as a numbers game. Throw enough shit at the wall, and some of it will stick. Sure, doing the right thing helps, but when starting out, don’t get distracted.

Pick a beneficial activity and put in the reps by doing it daily. The more you do, the better you’ll get and the greater success you’ll see.

Humans are driven by end results. And if we can’t see a path to a desired outcome, we seldom want to start.

But even when we do eventually achieve our goals, it often doesn’t make us happy. You see, it’s not ‘what you do’, but ‘how you do it’ that counts.

When we act with the purity of purpose, the results of our choices cease to matter. Bringing presence of mind and effortful commitment to our actions is all we can ever do.

So focus on the process, and let the results take care of themselves.

I think I’m a highly sensitive person.

For a while, I believed I possessed a set of traits that often feel rather inhibiting, especially in social situations – ones I have to actively try and undermine to maintain a cheery facade around other humans.

Mostly I just wrote this off as introversion.

However, in my daily Internet wanderings, I stumbled upon an HSP quiz devised by a psychotherapist, which I scored rather highly on.

Things like the following:

• Being overwhelmed by strong sensory input
• Wanting to withdraw from stimulation and place myself in a quote, dark room
• Leading a rich, complex, inner life
• Feeling frazzled and needing to be alone
• Feeling overwhelmed when I have much to do in a short time
• Trying hard to avoid mistakes and forgetting things
• Feeling sensitive to the needs and emotions of others
• Awareness of subtleties in my environment
• Being shaken up by life changes or alterations in routine

Apparently, around 15-20% of the population exhibit the HSP trait – too many to be a disorder, but enough to make it a recognizable presentation.

I’m not exactly sure what this means and if any actionable strategies can help.

But hey ho. Know thyself and all that.